Poor Ted Cruz can’t seem to catch a break — if it’s not the horrible polling he’s doing despite winning in the midterm, it’s some campaign ad gone wrong, or a hilarious meme or gif at his expense, or just people remembering that time when Lindsey Graham said he could be shot dead on the floor of the Senate and not one senator would vote to convict his killer.
But it’s not just the stars aligning against the hapless Texas Senator. In fact, it’s not even mostly chance or bad luck. It’s the fact that Ted has a really skewed vision of what’s cool, acceptable, serious, funny, or almost anything that would line up with normal human behavior.
Now I’m not saying that Ted Cruz is a robot or anything, but if his slow, rehearsed, half-chuckle delivery of every line he ever says doesn’t at least make you wonder, you might have a little motherboard circuitry in your brainpan as well.
The video that’s been making the rounds on Twitter and Facebook, however, is some kind of next-level strange.
It’s not like Ted is a stranger to guns — although he handles them like a man trying to win NRA votes, who couldn’t shoot his way out of a paper bag — but in the short promotional clip from the right-wing Independent Journal Review you’re about to see, he certainly couldn’t look any stranger.
As he leads in with a blurb about cooking breakfast in Texas, you would never imagine that it’s about to turn into an instructional video on how to cook bacon with an AR-15, the preferred weapon of mass shooters, but that’s exactly where Ted takes it.
He’s shown buying the bacon at a supermarket, wrapping it around the barrel of what he keeps calling a “machine gun” like a 12-year-old boy, covering it in foil, then firing at a paper target in an indoor shooting range. We can’t make out what’s on the paper target, but we assume it says “MY DIGNITY” in the middle.
Then to cap it all off, Ted takes the tiniest nibble — with a fork — that anyone (who’s totally a human, you guys) has ever taken, and makes a face that will haunt your dreams.
The problem is, Ted thinks this is cute or funny or something other than totally gross. Why is it gross? Simple.
Las Vegas: AR-15
Sandy Hook: AR-15
Umpqua CC: AR-15
Waffle House: AR-15
Texas Church: AR-15
San Bernardino: AR-15
Tree of Life Synagogue: AR-15
It’s not a toy. It’s not a frying pan. It’s not something you joke and smile with, and playing with it like this only serves to further desensitize kids and others to how dangerous and serious a weapon like this is.
Featured image via screen capture